There’s a scene in Lulu Wang’s The Farewell where Nai Nai (Zhao Shu-zhen) — protagonist Billi’s (Awkwafina) grandmother — asks her why she isn’t eating, and feeds her a bite of meat pie. It’s a tender moment, this outward expression of caring. It highlights that for Nai Nai, food is how one shows their love to their family.
Families are at the core of films like The Farewell, Moonstruck, and Big Night. In The Farewell, Billi is a young woman whose family is keeping her grandmother’s own cancer diagnosis a secret from her. Moonstruck follows Loretta Castorini (Cher) as she falls in love with her fiance Johnny’s (Danny Aiello) brother Ronny (Nicolas Cage). Stanley Tucci’s directorial debut Big Night tells the tale of two brothers who own an Italian restaurant in 1950s New Jersey. In these movies, characters get together, eat together, tease, argue with, and love each other — and it’s through this love that other personal conflicts might not be resolved, but can be overcome.
Food is a crucial element in these films. The funniest, sweetest, and most indispensable scenes revolve around preparing food, and characters eating together. Across these films, food is not just nutritious; it brings families together as an expression of affection and culture. In Big Night, the whole film is centered on one definitive meal. Brothers Primo and Secondo (Tony Shalhoub and Stanley Tucci, respectively) host a dinner party as a last-ditch effort to save their restaurant, which is struggling due to their insistence on cooking authentic Italian cuisine. It is this meal that anchors the movie.
In Moonstruck and The Farewell, sitting down for dinner is how families spend time with each other. It is at the dinner table that Loretta’s uncle Raymond tells the story of a particularly bright moon he once saw; an extended metaphor for love throughout the film. In The Farewell, Wang reveals the feelings, secrets, and dynamics of Billi’s family during meals. They’ve moved away to different countries, and they haven’t all been together in over twenty years, which makes for tension in this momentous occasion, as well as creating differing attitudes towards money and parenting that have developed between family members living in China versus those in America.
Food is also a symbol of love in these films. Primo spends all day cooking an Italian timballo for his friends and family, Loretta cooks Ronny a steak when they first meet, and the characters in The Farewell bring food to the grave of Billi’s grandfather to feed him in the afterlife — a mourning ritual in Chinese culture. The sharing of food is a basic instinct to share love and culture, and this is never more apparent than in Moonstruck, when Johnny’s dying mother miraculously recovers and starts cooking for everybody in the house.
Families are at the heart of these films, with many of the best scenes centering around their romantic relationships. In Moonstruck, the romance between Loretta and Ronny is entertaining and fun, but I found myself drawn more to the scenes of Loretta’s family spending time together and bantering over meals. These scenes are what elevate the film from just a well-crafted love story to something magical.
In Big Night, the subplot of Secondo’s rocky relationship with his girlfriend Phyllis (Minnie Driver) is hardly interesting compared to characters finding so much joy together eating great food. In contrast, each scene in The Farewell revolves around family, and that’s what makes it special. Wang insisted Billi not have a white boyfriend to detract from the main story, and it changes the film from something everyone’s seen before into a unique, family saga. When so much time and attention is given to family-focused scenes, it tells the viewer that family is the most important part of these films.
The importance of family is also explored through how this love and community helps the characters overcome their personal problems. The main conflict of Moonstruck is Loretta, a sensible woman about to marry a man she doesn’t love, falling for the impractical Ronny, a passionate baker. But the final scene of the film finds her breaking up with Johnny, becoming engaged to Ronny, and her, Johnny, and Ronny celebrating with her family. This ending underscores a major theme of Moonstruck: that family is vital and restorative no matter what’s happening in your life.
The final scene of Big Night also supports this theme. After explosive fights with Primo and Phyllis, Secondo finds his way back to the restaurant, where he cooks omelettes for himself and his brother. They eat in silence before putting their arms around each other. The credits roll. It’s deceptively simple, just the sharing of a meal. But in this moment, it is clear that no matter what happens, Secondo and Primo love each other, and everything will eventually be okay.
The Farewell is interesting because Billi doesn’t have any romantic issues colouring the time she spends with her family. Instead, she must say goodbye to her grandmother. By spending time with Nai Nai — at the dinner table and other family gatherings — Billi can begin to grieve, and make the most of the time they have left. It’s hard for her, not being able to tell Nai Nai she’s sick, but it is ultimately healing.
These portrayals of family in Moonstruck, Big Night, and The Farewell are successful because they take up so much space in the narratives, and have major influences over the outcomes of the stories. Family is the most significant and special part of these films, and the filmmakers know it. It is apparent through the time spent on establishing these relationships, through the food they make each other and the love they share. Life is hard, but with your loved ones by your side it doesn’t feel so bad.
