When To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before came out on Netflix in 2018, it broke records and became a pop culture sensation praised for its Asian protagonist and stylistic execution. Now almost 3 years later, it’s finally time to say goodbye to the series after its almost perfect premiere and disappointing second installment, To All The Boys: P.S. I Still Love You, and I hate to say it, but I wasn’t left satisfied. To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before: Always and Forever explores interesting themes such as growing up, growing apart, and starting anew, yet it fails to send the message it seems to set itself up to say.
When Lara Jean (Lana Condor) and Kavinsky’s (Noah Centineo) plans to go to Stanford together are thwarted by Lara Jean’s failure to get accepted, the two find themselves in an uncomfortable position. They are forced to think of compromises and come to the realization that they might not be together forever. The film tackles a very realistic feeling of entering a new era of life that most high school seniors feel and whether or not Lara Jean and Kavinsky decided to go to college together or 3,000 miles apart, things were about to inevitably change not just within their relationship, but within themselves, too.
During Lara Jean and Kavinky’s class trip to New York, Lara Jean falls in love with the city just in time for her acceptance letter from NYU. From there, she has to choose: Kavinsky or her future? When she decides to pursue both, things start to get weird. There’s an elephant in the room between the two, and it feels like a lot more than just the long distance pressures they are about to face.
In watching the film, I was taken back to my feelings at that time in my life. I remember knowing that everything was about to change and that I had my whole life ahead of me. As the film progresses, I see this change in Lara Jean, too. While she starts off more concerned about Kavinsky than anything else, she ends up growing into herself, becoming almost unrecognizable next to the insecure girl we’re introduced to at the start of the trilogy. Condor plays these subtle changes in Lara Jean well, giving us a very pensive and confident performance that juxtaposes her usual flustered and meek character. With the help of her performance, the couple aren’t just growing apart in distance, but growing apart mentally as well.
As a consequence to the film’s rushed pacing, everything blows up in the couple’s faces with just twenty minutes left for resolution on prom night after the two awkwardly try to push aside their fears about going to college apart from each other. While I did expect that there would be a fairytale ending, I was praying that there wouldn’t be.
When Lara Jean decides that she’s ready to lose her virginity to Kavinsky after prom, he scolds her and blames her for tearing their relationship apart with her plans to move to NYU. Even when LJ pleads with Kavinsky to not leave her and work things out even with the distance, he breaks up with her and leaves her crying in her prom dress. While I wouldn’t dare to stick labels on this otherwise healthy but messy relationship, I don’t think that what Kavinsky does is forgivable.
Not only does Kavinsky downplay Lara Jean’s exciting decision to go to NYU, he also ruins her prom night and her dad’s wedding, too, when he decides not to attend after their break up. Those are three big memories for Lara Jean that will always be stained by Kavinsky’s selfishness. It seems like the perfect segway for Lara Jean to move on with her life and take on The Big Apple independently.
But of course, as most romantic comedies require, Kavinsky shows up at the last minute with a big gesture to apologize, and Lara Jean takes him back with open arms.
The funny thing is, there are many complicated moments for the couple throughout the series, but this one felt different. Lara Jean discovers herself and finds a place where she belongs, and Kavinsky does, too. Their big fight should have been the ultimate realization for them that their relationship would only hold them back as they went off to college. And while this film wasn’t bad, I felt horrible seeing the optimistic look on Lara Jean’s face as she moved into her New York dorm with the future of her and Kavinsky’s relationship on her mind. I hate to bring up Star Wars, but this choice reminded me of the Rey Skywalker line at the end of The Rise of Skywalker. While the Skywalker name being passed on to Rey is supposed to serve as a beacon of hope for the galaxy, the audience knows that life isn’t that simple and are left worried about the unseen aftermath. Both series pretended to be resolved when they obviously weren’t, which makes me sympathetic to the overwhelming amount of clickbait articles predicting another To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before film when they clearly stated that this is the last installment. What else are we supposed to talk about when there’s obviously so much of their relationship left to be explored?
While this rom-com Netflix trilogy is nowhere near comparable to the cultural impact that Star Wars has, I did grow fond of these characters, and especially as an Asian American woman I saw myself a lot in Lara Jean and I just wish she got a better ending. Love is more than just something you share with other people. Love of yourself is more important than any other love, and the people who you surround yourself with should honor that, too.
